Removing Band Aid

For the first time in almost 4 years here in my company finally i sent out my resume to like 10 companies. it was a nerve wrecking experience for i was thinking already of being rejected but then my intuition was right after all (3 out of 10 called and only 1 considered me for the final interview). but the whole experience was like removing band aid. it was painful at first but then i get over the pain after. i got my first phone interview from one of the companies i randomly sent my resume to. it was not that bad at all. then i realize all these times i have been afraid to go out there, all the times i have wasted being a coward.. then you find out that this thing that you were so afraid of was just a tiny thing that is not even that scary. it was like you see this huge shadow, a monster as it appears before your eyes then you take a good look then you laugh at yourself for having been afraid of a tiny little mouse's shadow. So yes i have not been happy with my job. but never have i even tried to apply to another company because i was too afraid of having to face REJECTION. and so i stayed.. even though i felt that i was no longer contributing well and it feel damn awful i had to stick to being miserable at my work because i would rather not get rejected. and so just last week i took a chance and even though yes it might be a rejection that i have not been called days after my final interview i actually didn't feel that bad as i have imagined it. the only thing that i have felt bad about is that i have wasted so much time being afraid of nonsense and that i should have done this a long time ago. if i had only tried then maybe i have not spent years of my life moping over a problem that could be solved as easily as 1+1. indeed you will never know unless you tried. I was just too concerned about getting rejected than finding my own happiness.

i do not love my job anymore and it has been a burden! and the only way i could ever fix this is to go out there and find something that could make me feel that i actually am good at something because i put my heart to it. at least now there had been an improvement. submitting my resume is definitely my ticket out of here. i got to keep trying no matter what. GOOD LUCK TO ME THEN.