I was looking at the classified ads last night, well just for the sake of making me feel that I have plans on finding another job so I wouldn't feel left out. Then I noticed that most of the qualifications prefers applicants with age of 21 - 25. It took me a while to realize that I no longer belong to that age bracket! Then I started to panic! whoa I'm 26 and still pretty much unstable! what if the time would come when I finally want to find a new job and no one would hire me because I'm too old and don't really have much experience! I gotta have a plan! Took my notebook and scribbled down stuff that doesn't make sense till i dozed off.
I woke up feeling sad as I realize how much time I have wasted simply because I've haven't been brave and how lazy I have been. I know I could have done more if only I believed in myself. There's much I could do if only I tried. I got to start now or I'll forever be stuck in this life that I didn't ask for. So this week I need to do the following and if I don't accomplish this then I'll cut my hair short! and this is not a joke.
1. Study Java
I know! I've been planning this since last year and yet still haven't done this because I was just not motivated enough!
2. Close TARs
I don't like it but gotta do it to give me time for studying. This would mean no more facebook and chatting with friends! Got to save my hair!
3. Finish my weekly project
I didn't get to finish this project last week because I was just too lazy to continue. I'm 50% done though. The project by the way is to recycle something and last week's was on making something out of my old and no longer wearable jeans.
4. Think of something to decorate for my Christmas tree made of recycled materials
Christmas is coming and my tree is still undecorated! For this year I decided not spend much on expensive decors. Instead I want to help with the environment, save, and make use of my free time.
5. Go to confession!
Yup I'm awful. Have not gone to confession for more than a year now. I have to do it this week!
That's all for now! I'll keep you posted next week. And I swear if I don't accomplish 5 of my list by the end of this week I'm gonna be saying goodbye to my long hair. :( Wish me luck!
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Signs
It was during my cousin's wedding did I first ask God for a sign. During that time I was broken hearted. The guy I was seeing then left me for his high school sweetheart. I really didn't feel like going to this wedding at the time. Seeing a bride and groom so happy together was just all too much for me and i have to wear this horrible bride's maid gown too! To top it all my partner was 5 inches shorter than I am and everyone at the church was giggling when it was our turn to ramp the aisle. A daymare it was! The whole time I wanted to cry! Thank God I'm a bit blessed with an acting skill. I was able to smile and be cheerful even though I just wanted to rip my gown off and ran away from this bad dream.
At the reception when the bride was about to throw the bouquet, though i was not up for it I joined all the single ladies who were lined up. At that time I told God "Lord I'm in pain right now and this is just ridiculous. If You really want me to forget him right now then You'll let me catch that stupid bouquet.". In my heart I knew that i was not going to catch the bouquet. I just wanted to prove to myself that God has abandoned me. I wanted to win against this argument with myself that God doesn't love me and I was so sure that victory would be mine as soon at the bouquet went flying in the air. I smiled at the thought of me winning. And later did I realize that the damn thing was aimed at my direction! I tried to move away but I was like paralyzed! The bouquet landed just in front of me and no one would claim it. I was shock when my relatives let me sat down on this chair! You know what happens next.
After the wedding I went to my grandma's garden thinking about what just happened. God couldn't have possibly done that for me. Why would He care for me? I'M AN AWFUL PERSON! So I said to myself it was just a coincidence. I felt bad about not being able to accept that was God's work that just happened and so I look around and saw a dragon fly that landed on a flower near me and I said "God if you really love me then I will be able to catch that dragon fly. Let me feel your presence". Without even an effort I caught it. And I started to have goose bumps. "Could be another coincidence. This is dead" I said. So I let poor thing go and it flew away and landed on another flower. "My mistake it was alive. It must have been sleeping." That's what I said to myself. So I gave it another shot. For the second time I caught it! Still I didn't believe.
Went home and watch tv. I saw a yellow butterfly flying just above me. Then I thought about what happened in the garden so I said to myself that if that butterfly lands on my head I would accept and believe that God loves me. I knew in my heart that it will never happen. But after a few seconds the butterly was already an inch away from my face and i started to ran away because i got scared. I actually felt God was there with me. And I said "Alright! Alright! I believe You. I'm sorry.". That was the day that i started to believe in signs.
Today I ask another sign from Him. A guy that I have recently developed feelings with has left (I'll just call him Coldy). Most of my friends told me that i should tell him. But I couldn't. So I prayed to God to help me. I wrote Coldy a letter and hid it somewhere. If he finds it then that's the only time he will know what I truly feel. That he will finally understand why I seem unstable whenever he is arround. The rest is all up to Coldy now. So even though I feel crushed right now that I can no longer see him everyday and that I miss him so much already, I just think of God's love for me. I know that He only wants what's best for me that if Coldy is really the guy for me then it will happen and if not then I'm sure God has some other plan. So I wait and pray for a strong heart.
At the reception when the bride was about to throw the bouquet, though i was not up for it I joined all the single ladies who were lined up. At that time I told God "Lord I'm in pain right now and this is just ridiculous. If You really want me to forget him right now then You'll let me catch that stupid bouquet.". In my heart I knew that i was not going to catch the bouquet. I just wanted to prove to myself that God has abandoned me. I wanted to win against this argument with myself that God doesn't love me and I was so sure that victory would be mine as soon at the bouquet went flying in the air. I smiled at the thought of me winning. And later did I realize that the damn thing was aimed at my direction! I tried to move away but I was like paralyzed! The bouquet landed just in front of me and no one would claim it. I was shock when my relatives let me sat down on this chair! You know what happens next.
After the wedding I went to my grandma's garden thinking about what just happened. God couldn't have possibly done that for me. Why would He care for me? I'M AN AWFUL PERSON! So I said to myself it was just a coincidence. I felt bad about not being able to accept that was God's work that just happened and so I look around and saw a dragon fly that landed on a flower near me and I said "God if you really love me then I will be able to catch that dragon fly. Let me feel your presence". Without even an effort I caught it. And I started to have goose bumps. "Could be another coincidence. This is dead" I said. So I let poor thing go and it flew away and landed on another flower. "My mistake it was alive. It must have been sleeping." That's what I said to myself. So I gave it another shot. For the second time I caught it! Still I didn't believe.
Went home and watch tv. I saw a yellow butterfly flying just above me. Then I thought about what happened in the garden so I said to myself that if that butterfly lands on my head I would accept and believe that God loves me. I knew in my heart that it will never happen. But after a few seconds the butterly was already an inch away from my face and i started to ran away because i got scared. I actually felt God was there with me. And I said "Alright! Alright! I believe You. I'm sorry.". That was the day that i started to believe in signs.
Today I ask another sign from Him. A guy that I have recently developed feelings with has left (I'll just call him Coldy). Most of my friends told me that i should tell him. But I couldn't. So I prayed to God to help me. I wrote Coldy a letter and hid it somewhere. If he finds it then that's the only time he will know what I truly feel. That he will finally understand why I seem unstable whenever he is arround. The rest is all up to Coldy now. So even though I feel crushed right now that I can no longer see him everyday and that I miss him so much already, I just think of God's love for me. I know that He only wants what's best for me that if Coldy is really the guy for me then it will happen and if not then I'm sure God has some other plan. So I wait and pray for a strong heart.
Monday, October 4, 2010
Goodbye Ching-Ching the Unlovable
I'm creating this new site because I don't wanna be unlovable anymore. :) Rather I wanna be the person who should be known for who I really am, kind, cheerful, sweet, funny sometimes,nice and maybe a little bit weird (in a cute kind of way as everyone close to me would put it). :)I wanna write about my adventures. I wanna inspire and be inspired. Life is too short to be wasting on nonsense. No room for moping around in my life. well I know that we can never prevent problems from coming but I should know by now that I am never alone. God loves me and He will never ever abandon me. In Him I trust and should never fear anymore. So please help me welcome the new me. In my own pace I will be coming out of my shell. One step at a time I will be conquering my fears. With the help of my friends and family I know I will make it. :)
Be witness of the changes and challenges I will be facing as I try to go make my dreams come true. Be witness to the journey to discovering myself, finding mr. right, and trying to make a difference in this world even in my own little way. Good luck and God Bless to all those who dream.
Be witness of the changes and challenges I will be facing as I try to go make my dreams come true. Be witness to the journey to discovering myself, finding mr. right, and trying to make a difference in this world even in my own little way. Good luck and God Bless to all those who dream.
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