Happy 2012

I know it's probably to late for this entry. I need to catch up. Said goodbye to 2011 and had so many things to be thankful about. A lot has happened to me last year. These are the highlights of my 2011.

1. Decided to end my long distance relationship with makoi and so i moved here in manila.2. Sang in a band for the very first time of my life.
3. Finally quit on my almost 4 years of working in ncr and bravely explored manila to find a new one despite broken ego after what happened.
4. Found a new company and Im actually enjoying my work despite the pressure.
5. Already set a date for our wedding and makoi asked my parents already. :)

I'm very excited with my 2012. Although most of what i will be doing is preparing for my wedding i am looking forward to it. :D I hope that i would be able to give update on my blog. more about my wedding preparations on the following months then. Till then.

So far, so good

2 weeks have passed since i have left everything behind and took a path so unfamiliar to me.. i left everything in Cebu even the person that i was.. being in Manila made me discover so much about a lot of things and surprisingly even myself.. i have been fortunate enough that by only 5 days of being unemployed i already found a new one.. it still amazes how i ever did it?? oh i know!! God.. you made everything possible.. to be honest the first day I ever really experienced Manila (MRT, heavy traffic, tagalog speaking people, heavy rain and street flood, pollution) i wanted to pack my stuff and go back straight to Cebu and never come back.. it is really different here.. you have to be rough, tough, alert, patient and smart! making adjustments if i just did it on my own would have not been an easy task.. i was lucky enough that on my first few days at work i have met a few friends who have helped me with the directions and how i would get around he busy streets of Makati and Ortigas.. so these were the list of adjustments the few days i have been here already:

1. wake up as early as 5am to get ready for work.

2. at 7am you go fight your way to an fx seat bound for ayala in makati.

3. traffic flow from Ortigas to Makati is not that heavy yet so I'm still enjoying Mosnter's daily program while trying control self from laughing (don't ask me what the name of the segment coz i forgot). if you go beyond 7:00 am sharp (i am not kidding) you will definitely turn into a living skull from being stuck in traffic.

4. at 8am- 830am have breakfast at the office and talk with new friends (actually they do the talking and i do the nodding and smiling. it's much fun that way than giving myself a head ache that early from trying to figure out what the right words to say in tagalog).

5. work for 8 hours and after that when clock strikes 6pm joyce and I would go on a jeepney ride bound to the MRT station. (Buendia station).

6. challenging part of my day! fight with the rest of the ladies for a space on an MRT.. i learned that you have to wear deodorant and learn how to hold breath until you reach your station. also never ever smile at anyone in there. the first time i was with joyce i was having a good laugh at myself because i was like running like a mad person and i was actually enjoying picturing myself and so i ended up smiling the whole time and i realize that the people around me were looking at me strangely. maybe it is not polite for them when they are sweating and swearing to see someone enjoying because really how can you find it fun right? maybe in their head they think i am going crazy because how can someone still manage to bring out a smile with all the horrible smell and and angry people. so smiling and giggling is definitely a no no.. serious face always.

7. and of course my favorite part of the day, meet up with Makoi at Mega Mall. we eat together and talk about our day. it's what i look forward to everyday since i got here. so even though i was having a horrible day i can always find a reason to be happy.

waking up early, fighting your way to get a seat on a fx or MRT, all the running, all the sweat and all the getting lost, all the nose bleeding from trying to communicate in tagalog without having to sound like Manny, well I've survived all those in my first week here. i never thought that I can even call myself a city girl but seems to me i just might become one sooner. it is not as bad as i thought as what had everyone have been telling me. i have discovered that i can make it on my own and that there is absolutely no way that a bad thing will happen to me as long as I have Him by my side. I know that this is just the beginning and that this is not even half the battle that i am about to face. everything will start the soon i am going to start my work. right now everything seem bright and breezy because i am still under training for our projects. they are still what they call me "being equipped" and that would normally fall to sleeping always (oh come on as if you don't do this!! it is not my fault when training room is conducive to relaxation) and no mental stress yet so far. when i will be deployed to what they call "madugo" projects i know the real hard part will now start and i better prepare myself for that. I needed to become strong, independent and confident right? well here is my chance now. I can do this!! God help me on this journey that i took.. never leave my side and always remind me of your loving presence..

That's all for now.. ALL IS WELL!!

Thank you Lord

Who would have thought that in just a few days i am no longer unemployed. despite whats happened to me, all the unfortunate events that came my way while i was trying to find work it all turned out pretty well after all. i just couldn't believe that i got in. i will be starting next week, monday.

wish me luck then.. :D

1st day in Manila

Manila.. the first time I have ever been here i have told my self I will never ever try living here.. there was that MRT/LRT where it's completely packed people! it's so hard to move around. then the traffic of course. it was not just an urban legend it is so real and i thought cebu had the worst traffic.

i never thought that i would even consider working and living here. what you would really do for love right?

May 5, 2010 was the last day of my work in IN-CHEE-AR and my last day to be in Cebu as well. I flew to Manila all by myself for the first time. it was awful though how of all the flight delayed it has to be the one i was taking. 3 hour delayed and i felt like not going to Manila anymore. and so i waited impatiently for if i don't i will be jobless for a long time if i stay just in cebu and yeah long distance relationship sucks! BIG TIME!

Arrival at manila it was already 2am in the morning. have to wait for my baggage and have to travel from the airport to the boarding house. Saw the place I was staying and I am loving it. we have tiled floors. a terrace. our own cr. i definitely love the place!

I canceled on my first scheduled interview because i was not conditioned to be interviewed. I didn't cancel on my Beriberifone interview though which was scheduled in the afternoon. So for the first time I traveled from boarding house to Ortigas. makoi thought me how to go there but when you lack sleep and when you are tired you cant tell the difference between left and right. i have to be on my own now because makoi needs to work. how i even got out of the village was already a big challenge. plenty of time have i turned to a dead end and boy was it scorching hot! and i hail out the wrong tricYcle. driver would give me a little laugh every time i would ask in bisaya.

at last i got out of the village and as makoi instructed i took a bus on my way to ortigas. manila is huge! makoi was on the phone telling me to look to my left and look for certain establishments and still this coconut shell of mine was just i guess too dumb. it was hot and i was sleepy and i was already having a bad time because i have no idea how to get to ortigas and i was almost late for the interview. i wanted to cry and just buy a plane ticket to cebu ASAP! i am having trouble speaking in tagalog that was why i couldnt ask for direction. Makoi was already angry at me for being too weak and i couldnt blame him. finally i saw UNIONBANK and i remember that building the first time i went to manila. I remember we passed through that building just before we arrived at ortigas. so i was saved after all.

i took an exam on c++ and was i disappointed at it. i hadn't had any review and I forgot about pointers! i hated it! after i finished the exam i was interviewed by two guys and was it awful. It was like freezer inside the room! Whenever they would ask me a question my voice is trembling. i couldnt understand what they were asking me. i just wanted to light myself a fire. i was frozen until i couldnt take it anymore and i asked the two guys to turn down the airconditioner! both of them were laughing because they were both also cold! i am not confident about the interview. It was awful. the last thing i said to my interviewers was can i get out now?

now they tell me to wait for the result. they will have to evaluate the exam i took and yup the interview. i doubt i am gonna hear from them again.

well after that feeling a bit defeated i decided to go back to my boarding house to unpack my stuff and get some rest. I went home safe and i didnt get lost. just that the van i was riding didnt understand when i said "lugar lang". i said it like 3 times and he finally asked "bababa ka ba?".. :)

well that's about my first day here. tomorrow is another day hopefully by then i will learn how to speak tagalog fluently.

Slamming Doors

Oh it's hard to be rejected. Twice already have I been this close to getting a chance of finding a new job. Then I receive an email today telling me that they have already considered another candidate for the position. After all the sugar coated words they have said to me last week. "Oh you did well on your technical interview and we shall endorse your application to the Director. We will email you with the detail on how you are going to get here.". Wow they did email alright but not on how I was gonna get to their office but yup to slam the door on my face. I was not even given a chance to be interviewed and already I'm out. So i thought had they been lying to me all this time? telling me that I passed the technical interview because they dont have the heart to tell me the truth? I don't know. It's hard to look for a job these days. i don't know what I'm gonna be in Manila. It's a different world out there. I am penniless with piles of bills to pay. I'm screwed.

But then the only thing that keeps me from going crazy, from still pursuing a life in a city so foreign to me is Makoi. Even though I have been let down plenty of times the thought of him keeps me from not giving up. It's hard but i got to move on. He is my safety net and I couldn't be more luckier. So goodluck to me next week. And oh Lord help me.

How much worse can it get

Unbelieveably enough I thought that the worse thing that has ever happened to me was the time I hit my face on the IN-CHEE-AR (not the real name of my company) 6th floor's glass door. it would have been okay if no one knew about it so i could just deny everything but noooooo. first of all i have like 5 witnesses and not to mention the surveilance camera. and then the blood splatter for my DNA sample and evident swollen lips. there was absolutely no way it-wasn't-me-line was gonna work. Like chicken pox i thought that i was already immuned to anymore embarrassing moments. I mean come on? nothing can beat that right? and so i thought..


April 13, 2011 I got a call from As-In-Sure Company (just an alias) informing me that i have a job offer. Thank God the woman on the other line could not see the expression on my face. When she told me about the amount i was gonna make I almost fainted and fell off my seat. It was twice the amount i was making in IN-CHEE-AR. Not to mention the benefit package that were mentioned. I was so overwhelmed! feeling like i've won the lottery. this will definitely solve all of my financial trouble! and finally i can get a make over and help others too. This is it! this is really it!

nothing could possibly go wrong right? i mean when a reputable company offers you a job there is absolutely no way they were gonna take it back! i was gonna start on May 16. i have to submit my resignation letter right away just enough for me to complete 4 weeks before i start on the other company. so i hurried. i submitted my resignation letter without even having signed the contract.

one thing i learned was to listen to my inner voice. I was having second thoughts alright. something just didn't feel right. first sign of trouble was how come out of the 5 of us who applied in that company why only me? i mean they were better than me! second was i got called 5 minutes before my contract signing that there will be a delay because cebu has not yet received the papers.

I shoved that tiny voice in my head and went on to talk to our manager that i will no longer be staying no matter what there counter offer will be. i was so firm on my decision. I got out of the conference room feeling so damn unsecure about a whole lot of things. feeling like i was at the edge of a building and am about to go bungee jumping without having any safty net below. what i did was a suicide. i cant stop looking at my phone. "when is As-In-Sure going to call me for the contract signing?" i was feeling so damn scared. My phone rang at last and it was from As-In-Sure alright and this was what i heard "Hello ma'am maretzel? I know that we have told you that there was a delay on the signing of contract but we just got a call from an IN-CHEE-AR lead that we have to discontinue your application because of the existing agreement we just had with your company.." after that i just couldn't digest anymore of what she was saying. for a while i thought i was dreaming. it didnt seem so real? i blinked and yup i was so awake. i thought that it was some sort of joke that IN-CHEE-AR has put me through. i thought that there was another program they were having where they would call randomly an employee and would lead them to believe that there was an offer from another company and if you say yes to their offer and resign right away they would throw you this "GOTCHA!!! You just got dope!!!". The more humiliated you get the more chance you get of winning that two million by adding 100 entry in your name!!! but unfortunately enough this was really happening. I got offered a job and then they took it away just like that. more like a door to a castle has been opened and they take a look at you and realize that you don't belong there and slam it hard on my face. ouch that hurt! After what i went through sorry is all they can say. I was crushed. Have you ever get that feeling where someone tells you this "give me 5" and then you actually thought they were gonna give you that only to find out that the moment you were gonna hit their hand they hide it right away and would laugh at you for being stupid? it's even worse than that! i realize that the currently most embarrassing moment sitting on the number 1 spot on my list could not even surpass the amount of humiliation that i felt right now. there was nothing i can do anymore. i just couldn't beg my job back. if i do that i would double the humiliation that i have already placed myself into. so here i am, victim of my decision. two weeks from now i will be jobless.

but of course i can't blame either of the company now, i mean yeah i was pissed off about the whole it's-their-fault excuse everytime i would ask them what my options are. i understand that this is just business and i have absolutely do not stand a chance against the big guys. i mean i am just this tiny person. what can i possibly do if i fight against giants right? so it would be better i guess to just go and retreat. so i thought i will just let the whole thing slide and go on with my life even if as of now i really feel defeated.

I have decided to try my luck in Manila. i'm so scared right now. I'm broke with so many bills to pay and i dont even have any savings. OH MY GOD! what the hell have i done? Lord help me out here. i just don't know what to do anymore. this is just depressing. :(

what if?

Early in the morning i opened my email i read this message from my manager that we are to start with our task. :( bummer. I dont even have a clue on what my task is about. not blaming anyone though it's just my heart is no longer in to doing anything here. :( trying to be patient but it seems the longer i stay here the more unstable i become. it sucks being here but who am i to complain? out of all the jobless people in our country i happen to have one! but i just can't help it when i feel that i should be doing something else. Why? Why did i choose being a programmer as a profession? when i was a kid being a programmer was so not my dream. if given a chance to go back in time i would definitely want to try other professions.

teacher

i think i would make a good grade school teacher. having been a volunteer in gawad kalinga i think that i can handle kids pretty well. they would definitely love me because i would give them easy exams and we would just sing and dance the whole time. but how i wish all kids are good ones. I have happened to encounter the naughtiest kind. the kind that santa would cross out from his to-give-gift-list. what would everyone say if a kid would make me cry? so i guess being teacher is not a good idea then.

doctor

i have always wanted to save lives and being a doctor would definitely fit me. but having been sickly when i was little sort made me develop a phobia of needles and blood. I can't stand the sight of a needle much more if it's penetrated to my skin. I would just fade out of consciousness. so doctor is definitely a no.


police woman

if i cannot save lives being a doctor then next in line would be a police woman right? I mean i would be chasing bad guys and get to beat them too. Unfortunately I am not that brave. Only in my dreams do i get to hit someone i despise so much. I can't even kill a tiny mouse nor can i shoot some zombies in a computer game. I am just not a violent person. so police woman is a no.

model (violent reaction is not welcome!)

yup! even though i hated playing with my barbies i still dreamed of becoming a model. How i would love to look all pretty and confident. with all the beautiful dresses and shoes and make up. all those. but then when i was in high school i became over weight and that dream was suddenly gone as soon as i reached 140lbs on the weighing scale. And even though i lost 20lbs in college i was just too lazy to even try putting face powder nor do i even comb my hair. i can't even make a decent pose in front of a camera. i'm way too shy and my confidence is way too low and i don't think i even pass to their beauty standard. and so being a model is defintely out.

lawyer

just a wishful thinking. can't even defend myself most of the time even if i know i am right. :D

musician (please don't laugh)

i sing when i take a bath, when i cook, when i wash my clothes, heck even when i sleep. i love to sing! the only trouble is i was not blessed to have a beautiful singing voice. to save humanity singing is definitely a no no.

I realize now, as i go through all my possible other options that i will eventually choose a programmer after all. *sigh* maybe i just need motivation and inspiration. oh well got to go back to work now. :(